… and a (complicated) Happy New Year!
Remember last month when I was telling you how I wasn’t feeling the holiday mojo this year? How getting the decorations up felt like a struggle?
Which made me extra sad because I had all these amazing craft and blog post ideas that I never pulled the trigger on!
And just about the time I was mustering up the energy to go all in on Christmas …
well …
things hit the fan.
My parents retired to Florida close to 30 years ago. And they’ve lived a lovely life in their lovely condo.
But they’re not getting any younger (mom is 86; dad is 88). And, with age, comes complications. And a week-and-a-half before Christmas my father was hospitalized.
Now, it would all be so much easier to understand if there was a reason he was hospitalized. Like a heart incident. Or infection. Or something …
but there isn’t.
So now he’s in rehab. He’s weak, but showing improvement. He’s working very hard. But he’s far from being able to return to his previous independent lifestyle. And my mother is in no position to be his full-time caregiver.
Hard decisions need to be made.
So as I work with my sister and brother (and, hopefully with my parents cooperation) to work through those hard decisions, I will be posting sporadically as I travel to and from Chicago to Florida to Chicago again over the next few months.
Here’s hoping you have a much less complicated 2020 than I!
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I will be saying a prayer for your family
Thank you!
I have been through this and it is never easy. I am glad that you have your brother and sister to also help in all of this. Blessings on you and your family as you maneuver through this latest situation with your aging parents. Be good to yourself!
Thank you! The most heartbreaking is their resistance and refusal to acknowledge what we see as realities and risks. I truly appreciate your support and understanding! ๐
You are in my thoughts and prayers
Thank you so much! ๐
Sorry Linda about your parents. I had to move my mom up from Florida two years ago to be near me in senior living. She is 87 and has cancer and out of control diabetes and needed a hip replacement. I was flying from Chicago to Florida and back several times with her not doing well. I finally made the decision to move her up here to be near me and I could care for her and be on top of what was happening with her health. She hated leaving Florida but our life is up here and I am all she has so we needed to make this decision. She has adjusted and made new friends and seems to be doing well with me being on top of things. My husband’s dad just had to be put in a nursing home and that was a very hard decision to make too. It is so hard when our parents age and cannot bounce back from illness. I feel your pain and your stress of dealing with this long distance. Hope in the coming days your dad can get his strength back. Prayers.
Hugs,
Kris
Thank you for sharing your story and your encouragement. We are adamant that they need to be near one of their children. Unfortunately, we are spread out across the country, but we will find a place that makes them most comfortable. Honestly, they barely leave their complex now and I’m hoping some socialization in one of the amazing assisted living facilities I’ve visited could really be a big boost for them! I appreciate your support and commiseration! ๐
You are definitely leaning in the right direction with regard to assisted living. It is a lifesaver for both the residents and the family. My sisters and I researched many places before deciding on one that was best for our mother and we weren’t sorry. She is deceased now, but the facility where she lived for many years had ample accommodations for couples and my mother was fortunate to become friends with a very nice couple who lived next to her. My mother was uncooperative until we took her on a tour (and for lunch) at the facility we felt was the best for her, and she soon after became much more cooperative, although understandably anxious about leaving her home.
I’m sure this has put a damper on your holiday and upcoming new year, but I have no doubt that you and your siblings will find the right solution for your parents. It’s only fair – they sometimes make hard decisions for us when we’re children, and we return the favor when they cannot make them for themselves.
Exactly! This is what I keep telling my parents. They took such wonderful care of us and now it’s time for us to give back. Fortunately, we are in a position that we can offer a level of help as well! The biggest challenge is convincing them to move out of state. I get it, but would much prefer if I or my siblings could keep a close eye on their care — as well as have opportunities to spend more time with them! Thank you so much for your advice and support and sharing your experience! It makes me feel so much better! Wishing you a wonderful new year!!! ๐
Oh yes. Having at least one child close by will make all the difference in your parents’ acceptance of having to move and remaining content. Plus, regardless of the professional care provided, there will be instances where only family will ease the anxiety or provide the need, whether actual or perceived at the time. My mother, while well fed, would perk up immensely at the chance to go out to eat (especially if someone else offered to pay :)) or attend a family dinner at one of our houses. It also provided us with an excuse to view any progress or digress in her behavior and/’or attitude. It will be a year of adjustment, I’m afraid, but one that will be resolved in time.
Thoughts and prayers as we all enter this new season of our lives.
Thank you so much! So greatly appreciated! And wishing you a wonderful New Year! ๐
Sending you all the goodโitโs a tough row to hoe, but itโs for the best that they be somewhere they can feel safe and cared-for.
Thank you my friend! We’re currently in the experiment with dad and mom at home and can they make this work independently …
Take all the time you need. I (we) have been in your situation…I know what you are going through. It is not easy, but, you do have siblings to rely on…and thatโs half the battle. Your parents need to feel safe and well cared for…and you need to know they are safe and well cared for. Good luck in settling your mom and dad. ๐
Thank you so much! Each day brings new challenges (and so many moments of frustration!) but we’re trying to figure out the best solution that keeps my parents safe but also honors their wishes! I truly appreciate all your support! ๐
Hi Linda, I am so sorry about your parents. My family has been through this also and it is never easy but so worth it when you love them so much. I will say prayers for all of you.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! And your prayers! ๐