what happens when the love is gone?

New love.

 

That feeling of new love can’t be beat.  The flutters in your stomach new love. The heart skips a beat new love. The can’t stand to be parted from new love …

 

And the dreams …

 

Oh, the dreams and the plans.  So many exciting, dreamy plans for the future.

 

Then comes the comfortable stage.  Sure, your love is always visible.  But it’s no longer top-of-mind.  Not like when it was new.

 

But what happens when … um, well … you fall out of love …

 

Gorham-china-tea-cup

 

with your wedding china?

 

What do you do?  Pretend it isn’t so?  Or do you carefully pack up those twelve place settings — place settings so generously and lovingly given to you by family and friends — to be stored and forgotten in the basement?

 

And what does it say about the state of your marriage, if anything?  Is it an insult to your union?  And affront to your vows?  You know, the “in good times and bad, for better or worse …”

 

I mean, this was one of the first things you picked out together.  As a couple.  A soon to be married “till death do you part” couple.  Still flush with new love … and sporting a new sparkler on your left hand ring finger …

 

Gorham-china-tea-cups-3

 

But tastes change.  Thirty-year-old Linda was all about the green.  Well, more like teal as in Gorham Regalia Court Teal Fine China.

 

Gorham-china-tea-cup-teal

 

But soon to be fifty Linda?  She not so much into the green anymore.  In fact, she’s been slowly and methodically eradicating green from her home décor …

 

So what to do?

 

Replace it?

 

Sell it at a yard sale?

 

As I packed up the china cabinet so we could hang the board and batten in the dining room, I knew then and there that the Gorham Regalia Court Teal Fine China would not be coming back …

 

 

… and, to my great surprise, Mike was fine that decision.

 

 

Now I can’t help to wonder if our falling out of love with our wedding china reflects negatively on our marriage?  Are we tempting fate?  That whole wedding and marriage thing is riddled with traditions – and superstitions — after all.  Something old. Something new.  Something borrowed.  Something blue.  Not to mention the disasters that would ensue if the groom sees the bride in her gown before the ceremony …

 

Are there superstitions that apply to the wedding registry … and wedding china … too?

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Comments

  1. says

    Not at all Linda, just as your tastes have changed, so has your marriage. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The fact that you BOTH are okay with it is a good thing. Shows your marriage can grow and change, and the two of you right along with it, still together and still happy. :)

    Debbie

  2. says

    I don’t really know anything about china, so, forgive me if this is a completely crazy idea. But… if you just want to keep it for memory’s sake, smash it, and decoupage something with it. ? Stepping stones even. ?

    -Angie

  3. Katie says

    Sell it on eBay and pick out a new pattern together that reflects who you are now. Unless one of your children is madly in love with it – then lovingly pack it up and put it away for their someday home.

    • Katie says

      Somehow I forgot that kids always want to keep EVERYTHING for their someday homes. My 11 year-old wants two quilts that are completely falling apart that I’m not even sure I can salvage enough of them for lap throws because my mother made them before she passed on (he never met his Grandma, but knows that getting rid of any of her things makes me sad.) They don’t realize that the storage fees for keeping everything would eat us up.

  4. says

    I did the same thing with my grandmother’s china when I restyled my dining room hutch. I packed it carefully away in boxes along with all my silver and put it in the basement for safekeeping for my daughters if they ever want it. Now, a few years later, I’m finding I kind of miss it and might drag a few pieces out for vignettes. I’m purging green in my house, too, but I think your china has a rich ornate antique feel to it that you might appreciate later. After all, at soon to be fifty, you’re still young, and one day that green will be sought after vintage green, not what we think of as our nineties green. (Geez, I sound kind of like a know it all, don’t I?)

  5. says

    Doesn’t change a thing. You like different china now. Or none. But you still LOVE THAT MAN OF YOURS! He wasn’t on the gift registry. No one chose him as a gift for you at your bridal shower. You didn’t peruse the home decor aisles at Macy’s looking for the right guy. You didn’t serve all your special meals on HIM. Instead you sat at the table WITH him. I’m gonna guess you never leaned over to pass the potatoes with a glowing smile on your face because you chose the Gorham Regalia Court Teal Fine China.

    But I totally get why you question. We’re all a little certifiable.

    XO

  6. deb says

    PLEASE don’t get rid of it! This is 62 yoa Deb who got rid of items about 15 years ago that I absolutely could kick myself for doing. Just put it away somewhere safe – it’ll be back… At least in my opinion :)

  7. says

    I would pack it away, as taste change sometimes it comes back around and in another few years your taste will change again…or if not you will find the right person that will love this set…this year all designers are saying green in the color of choice…who knew…all tones of green….lol…save yourself and your dishes if you have the room…

  8. S.N says

    Don’t throw it away – keep 1 place setting in a cabinet or basement in a memory box and use the other place setting EVERY DAY. Make it your everyday China – the wedding set you so lovingly picked out must be used by the kids. Over the years the pieces will break, etc but the kids will remember eating dinner from the lovely China you picked out. I’d rather have items break from use then sit unused in a box.

  9. says

    I didn’t do formal china, but I did choose a very nice everyday china, Portmeiron Botanic Garden. I cannot believe I’m not sick of it yet (17 yrs). I still love it! I do think it’s ok not to be wed to our things. Don’t feel gulty packing anything away.

  10. says

    Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful. William Morris

    If you no longer find the china beautiful it probably isn’t being used (useful) either … one man’s “trash” is another’s treasure, so make someone else happy and donate, craigslist, or go consignment. Our china had the same “fate” last year and neither the hubs nor I have missed it once :)

  11. says

    I hear you- I have been purging away and getting rid of things that I don’t LOVE. Of course, I have kept some things for sentimental reasons only but there are other things that just don’t “do it” for me anymore. Good for you- I am along for the ride on your “not going green” journey- xo Diana

  12. says

    Heck I fell out of love with my wedding china two years in. Blech! I sold those babies on Ebay and bought that vintage set I had my eye on at an antique shop. Sorry wedding goers….lol!

  13. says

    I don’t think so.I just recently in this past year in fact donated all of my wedding china.I don’t know what I was thinking.Because it was ugly.Seriously I don’t know what I was thinking.It was more my decision than his.I am more into vintage.I picked out a pattern by noritake.It was expensive but why keep it if I don’t want to use it right.So off it went to the thrift store.I helped a good cause and go rid of something I did not want.I am purging lots lately.Out with the old in the new.Well sort of I don’t have many new things around here LOL!
    xx
    Anne

  14. says

    I would put it away and after a year or a couple of years I would decide if I can let it go! I get tired of things really fast, I’m kind of glad I didn’t inherit family “treasures” or was giving expensive wedding gifts! I like the idea of letting go of material stuff, unless it is of remarkable great value to you.
    xoxo-cristina

  15. says

    I have china that looks almost like that. And I don’t like it either! I think we used it only a couple of times. Is it still the thing to do, as a couple, to pick out china? I think picking out tools would be more useful. :D I say if you both agree to get rid of it, than do just that. Maybe you could sell it to Replacements.com and help someone who may be looking for your exact pattern.

  16. says

    While I am generally quick to donate things I no longer want/use, I say keep this. When I was a young bride picking out china, I thought my mother’s was so…undesirable. Cream-colored, with scalloped edges, and no ornamentation but a silver rim. (China circa 1963.) So different from what was stylish in my day (your china, for example).

    Now, I love her china. I think it’s classic, and simple, and beautiful. I would love to have it for myself–but she still uses it all the time. :-) I suppose some day it might be mine, and I will be so glad to have it. Not only because it’s beautiful, but because it was my parents’ wedding china. Because we ate holiday meals on it. Because it will be a tangible symbol and reminder of my mother and her values.

    I think your china is really lovely, btw. A great example of early 90′s style. Gold and teal will have its day again, I’m sure of it!

  17. Kim L. says

    I have felt the same way for a long time. Mine has been packed up for about 10 years now. We should all have a china swap – I love yours!

  18. says

    I would pack it up and save it for your daughter. My 18 year old daughter loves my late 70′s wedding china. I’ll store it until she can use it someday when she gets settled. I also have my grandmothers sterling, which I hated when I got married, but think is beautiful now. And I use and love my Mom’s china today. Everything goes in cycles -colors, clothes, kitchens, homes. You don’t have to decide yet…..

  19. Ann Drake says

    I haven’t used my wedding china for years. I don’t even know how many. It sits in a cabinet but I’m not sure I would have the heart to get rid of it. Food for thought for sure.

  20. says

    :) If you have a place to store it – wrap it lovingly and store it away. Someday it will be the vintage rage and your daughter or granddaughter will squeal with delight when she finds it!!

  21. says

    Maybe this is me projecting my fickle ways on you, but is there a chance your tastes will change and you’ll like them again? The trends will change for sure, and I’d hate for you to get rid of them and regret it! This is how hoarders justify their deeds, so take that with a grain of salt.

  22. says

    Lots of opinions, it could be just the pics I see teal tones…and I think these are beautiful. I think HMMM I would keep packed for a while and see if I miss them…do you have any family that has ever commented on their beauty may you can still enjoy by sharing to a family memember

  23. Jenny Mac Balllard says

    NOOOOOOO!!!! don’t get rid of it or damage it. 75 year old Linda may love it and be glad she kept it all those years. If it was a Walmart special then I would say “use it or lose it” but I’m guessing it isn’t. So pack it away, for that time when everything old is new again, and classic may be just what you’re looking for.

  24. says

    Something old, something new…Something blue…not something green :). Pack it up and allow it a new life some place else. If you feel obligated to keep it, you may as well sport the same hair style you did from the day you got married as well…and if you bring back the old hair style…send me a picture!

  25. says

    Very appropriate post for me today! At one time 30 years ago I was totally into the victorian look…I have beautiful cherry wood furniture and had lots of pink and lace and florals…But today I’m miss cottage and hoping my makeover in my home lasts at least 30 years so I get forgetful enough I am glad to have things familiar to me! The hardest thing was recently I sold the one piece of furniure in Cherry that I wanted and my husband got me for christmas when we didn’t have so much money, and I just loved it. Was a corner china Hutch by Ethan Allen. It has not fit into my remodel for 2 and half years but letting it go has been so hard. HOwever I offered it for sale and a very very very good friend who knew me BEFORE I was married and really understands how this means to me, is married about the same lenghth of time I had been when it was bought for me fell in love with it and I am overjoyed to know its going to a home that I know will be cherished and can imagine them enjoying it as much as me and now I can put something in that corner that matches the house or nothing in the corner at all! we’ll see…Got almost as much out of it as I spent…would have gotten as much but I lowered the price for my friend who would have taken it at full price but giving to her was worth the $50! She lives 500 miles away but is going to have local family grab it for me and keep it until she can get it back to San jose to her home. Makes it so much easier to let it go…

  26. says

    I am such a sentimental fool…I think most people “grow out” of their wedding china…but please keep it…there is nothing like saying, “oh that was my mother’s or grandmother’s china”….that’s a special thing to be able to say or have….I have only wishI could have said that…

  27. says

    I agree, there is nothing connected our marriage life with the things like your china ware.Some of our wedding gifts I give it to my sister-in-law because it so crowded in my cabinet. I don’t feel anything like what you think

  28. says

    I got rid of my wedding china years ago, and I’ve been married (still) for almost 55 years. Nothing bad happened to my marriage! Sally

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